Lord give me the strength to accept the things that I cannot change, Courage to change the things that I can, And the wisdom to differentiate between the two... It's like I've been warped in time. Things happened too fast for me in the last 2 months and I didn't get the chance to sit down and think about what had happened. I kept on going, I kept on doing things that will keep me busy, I kept on moving thinking that these will help me but as time goes by, the lump in my heart gets heavier. I'm scared, powerless to admit that I'm really scared about everything. There are a lot of things that I cannot understand but I kept on going. I failed to notice what needs to be taken care of. I am tired but I kept on moving, I kept on living, no matter how hard it is, I kept on surviving every single day. I have been aware since the start of our relationship that this won't be a relationship that I want to be in forever but being as stubborn as I am, I continue with it. I never love him as much as I wanted to coz he also never did treat me right. It's so easy for me to move on from him. What I have difficulty accepting is the fact that I am a good person but I am always drawn to men with issues. Seriously, I need to change my perspective in men. I started going out with someone exactly a week after we broke up. This guy treated me so special that I immediately recognized that this is too good to be true. Yeah, the pessimistic me thinks I don't deserve someone as nice as this guy. He was a total opposite of my recent ex. But there's a catch, he'll be going away for some time and I am not sure what's going to happen. I don't know what's going to happen once he's back in the US but it really saddens me that we only had 1 month to know each other. And it's so unfortunate that his work prohibits us to talk even through online chat. I want to leave everything about him in God's hands but I also want to do my part. I am really worried that this may not end well but we'll see. We'll go on a date tomorrow night and I'm not sure what's going to happen. I think that the huge part of the lump in my heart concerns him. I hurts me so much that I found a good guy but he will just be playing a small role in my life. I'm so scared that he already played the role that once he comes back to the States, he will eventually forget about me. I hope not, really hope that won't happen.

I was such in a foul mood this afternoon. I learned that I can no longer accumulate any leave credits for this year because it's my third year. Seriously? I already spent 3 years of my life in this company? NOT! To be exact, I've been with the company for 1 year, 4 months and 18 days. But why the hell did they say that it's already my 3rd year.  According to the Company Policy about leave credits, the year you were hired, regardless of the month, will be considered as your first year. And since I was hired December-2006, then my second year will be from Jan-Dec '07, and of course, Jan-2008 will be my 3rd year. That sucks! I only accumulated a total of 13 sick leave and 13 vacation leave the entire time. Do you think that policy is fair? I don't think it's fair! Oh well, nothing is fair with this life. But then again.... Dandararandaran!!! I passed all the interviews in Emerson!!! That's the big news that made my day. All I need to do now is take the IELTS this saturday, they need that to asses me if I can go abroad then hopefully I'll get a good Job Offer!!! YEY!!! 

The IMPORTANT thing is not to be BITTER over life's DIFFICULTIES. We should LEARN to let go of the PAST and RECOGNIZE that everyday won't be SUNNY, and when YOU find yourself LOST in the DARKNESS of DESPAIR, REMEMBER--that it's only in the BLACK of the NIGHT that you can see the STARS, and those stars will LEAD you back HOME. So don't be AFRAID to make MISTAKES, to STUMBLE and FALL,
because most of the time, the greatest REWARDS come from doing the things that SCARE you the MOST. Maybe you'll get everything you WISH for. Maybe you'll get MORE than you ever could have IMAGINED.

Today, I feel like I’m at the edge of everything. I just want to feel I’m appreciated even a little. Maybe, I just woke up at the wrong side of the bed. I miss feeling successful on what I do. I feel like a total loser with everything I do and I want to change that. I want to start today.

Is it possible that in this stage of my life, I’m still dumb founded what I really want to do with my life? I have lost a great deal of childhood memories as well as my past experiences that I used to cherish a lot. I’ve taken everything for granted that I almost forgot what hardship I’ve been through and the goals that I used have. I don’t know how to prioritize and I fail to concentrate on what I’m doing. I lack enthusiasm in everything I do and I take everyone for granted especially my family and my friends. I am so self-centered. I depend too much on technology to do the thinking for me that I refuse to learn new stuff. I depend on others to always help me and support me. I used to be so independent, what happened to me? I’m so ashamed of what is becoming of me and too afraid that there will come I time that I will considered myself a failure in every aspect of my life. I need to change.